Inspiration Through the Eyes of Babes

If there is one thing I can confidently say I am fantastic at, it is vacation. For someone who has always lived the “work hard, play hard” mantra, “vacation harder” was always a part of my way of life. By ‘harder’ I don’t mean some sloppy spring break-esque trip. On the contrary, actually.

Travel has always been an outlet for me to explore new corners of the globe, try new things, meet new people, and most importantly, open my mind to new ideas and thoughts. It usually provides a much needed reprieve from the stresses and anxieties of the day-to-day, leaving room to, quite literally, free my mind, giving way to new doses of inspiration. Whether the sun is involved or not, traveling has always been my boost of vitamin D; the energy refresher needed to plow through whatever lies ahead…until the next vacation.

Once the pandemic became all too real in March, I knew vacation and travel this year – and frankly for the foreseeable future - would look quite different. I held on to hope for as long as I could, but as I watched pre-planned trip after pre-planned trip slip away, there was one beacon of hope still on the horizon: a ‘girls’ trip to the beach in Delaware with my mom, sister and two nieces in mid-August. We planned it in late June when I think all of us were losing it for different reasons, and needed something to look forward to. The house suited everyone’s needs and came with a generous last-minute cancellation policy – crucial in these times – and so we locked it in and watched week after week, day after day, as Delaware was on and off the ‘COVID watch lists’, on and off, on and OFF…

So we went. And I am so glad we did.

Over the course of the week – with my laptop and work phone safely taking their own vacation back up in NY – I wanted to make the most of the time with my precious nieces, now 4.5 years old and 7 months.  

Back in 2015 when I participated in the Nudge Global Impact Challenge in the Netherlands, there was one session that was part of the program that I will never forget. Children from one of the international schools came in and we had a discussion with them about the ways of the world, through their eyes. How do they understand and look at the world we’re living in? The conversation was awe-inspiring to say the least.

Why?

There’s that old expression, “Out of the mouths of babes.” That’s why. Unfiltered. Raw. Laden with emotion and truth as they understand it.

The week with my 4.5 year old niece (actually, 4 and ¾ according to her) took me back to this moment. It made me realize again how much we conform as adolescents, young adults and then into adulthood, and how much joy in our lives we lose in doing so.

Oh to be a vivacious 4 and ¾ year old again when…

·       The thrill of a bunk bed lasts for days even though the novelty should’ve worn off after bumping your head several times

·       You question absolutely everything. You’re not doing it to be a pain, or annoy those around you, but you’re doing it because you’re so eager to learn. Your curiosity abounds and you just want to know why

·       You don’t always do as you’re told or as you should. Everyone still loves you anyway.

·       You run head-first into the ocean, not bothered by the weight of the floaties trying to pull you up. You have your eye on the prize and nothing is going to weigh you down

·       You insist on playing with a boogie board, laying it flat at the water’s edge. You lay on it and pretend to paddle out, just like the big kids, and then you stand. You truly believe you, too, are surfing.

·       You are fiercely independent but ask for help when you need it - you can’t reach the sink to wash your hands, you need help to open up a new toy. You’re simply unashamed to ask for help, because again, eye on the prize.

·       You constantly use your imagination and again creativity abounds. No kids to play with and surrounded by boring adults? A stuffed animal (or stuffy) becomes a best friend and you’re off on a wild adventure together

·       Your eyes open wide at the sight of a treat; a fresh, homemade ice cream cone, and even a packaged peanut butter cup.

·       You sleep deeply, your mind wandering in dreamland, fully recharging your energy for the next day

·       You love the simple things: a good book, a funny joke, and a good meal. Your energy is endless. You love deeply, laugh meaningfully and live vivaciously.

I am reading a memoir right now and there is passage that struck me:

“ My mother’s lip quivered with fear and courage as she said, “I have not seen my daughter this alive since she was ten years old.”

…

After that day, I began to ask myself: Where did my spark go at ten? How had I lost myself?

I’ve done my research and learned this: Ten is when we learn how to be good girls and real boys. Ten is when children begin to hide who they are in order to become what the world expects them to be. Right around ten is when we begin to internalize our formal taming.

Ten is when the world sat me down, told me to be quiet and pointed towards my cages:

            These are the feelings you are allowed to express.

            This is how a woman should act.

            This is the body you must strive for.

            These are the things you will believe.

            These are the people you can love.

            Those are the people you should fear.

            This is the kind of life you are supposed to want.

Make yourself fit. You’ll be uncomfortable at first, but don’t worry – eventually you’ll forget you’re caged. Soon this will just feel like: life.”

 

I keep rereading this passage over and over and internalizing it in my head for two reasons:

1.     I, too, have been writing* a memoir of sorts; I have a similar passage about when I can first recall my own spark began to dwindle. I am about 9 years old and in third grade. I remember where I was. I remember what I looked like, what people said. I remember why my own vivacious personality started to subside. But you’ll have to wait until the book is published to find out more…

 

Anyway, self-awareness of something is always a good start – when you recognize something in yourself by yourself; however, when someone else says something and it resonates so deeply, you might start to look at it a bit differently and interpret things differently than before.

*Half of this memoir is jotted down and scattered in notebooks, and the other half is ‘written down’ in my head; I will write it for real one day…when I have time…[insert big sigh here]

2. I can’t help but think of my own niece. If this is true, if I am not unique and this is a real thing, she might only have until 9 or 10 (or 8 even – kids are so much more advanced these days!) to keep being this wonderfully vibrant kid. She’s basically halfway there already!

I wish I could tell her to cherish these next few years. But that would be wrong. I shouldn’t be telling her to enjoy the next few years; nobody should. What we should be doing is teaching her to never stop enjoying and never to conform. We need to start being better role models for the kids around us, allowing them to truly choose their own path instead of forcing them to stick to the pre-determined one.

So, that’s what I am going to try to do. If not for myself and my own sanity, for my nieces. And I am putting it out there so someone holds me to it. Because we all know, once the last article of now-clean-again-clothing has found its place back in the closet and the suitcase is neatly stacked away in storage, you’re on borrowed time to either put that newfound vacation inspiration into practice, or sink back into the mundane of the pre-vacation grind with a cluttered brain full of things that really don’t matter.